Friday, August 20, 2010


I looked up the word patience for a more exact definition. Sometimes the way it's defined in the dictionary is much more in depth than the way my brain understands it.

By Wikipedia's definition, patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance or anger in a negative way.

Honestly, that just says it all. I can think of so many reasons why it is so easy to give in or give up, because patience at any age is just plain difficult. I can think of all the moments in a given day (prior to my contest training) that I would just give up, because I'm tired, because I just don't feel like it, because I had a bad day, because I don't want to do anything else today that requires work, and so on. The reality is that all these excuses are legitimate. No one could ever say that s/he doesn't understand or hasn't been there.

But here's the kicker. The result is that I've practiced giving in or giving up so many more times than I've practiced enduring (also called sufferance). I have spent so much time perfecting "giving in" that I really don't know what it's like to make this particular goal come to fruition.

I could say "well, I've tried." But what does that really mean? Does it mean I gave it my all until I realized one day that my body could not or would not become contest ready? Does it mean that I'm giving up, because it's too much of a commitment to learn new ways of eating and exercising and I'm just not willing to sacrifice "fleeting pleasures" over hard work?

If not now, then when?

This is funny! Here I am almost 2 months into this program to get contest ready, just two months! We're not talking about 9 months or even a year. That realization just shows me how much I have yet to learn and how much more practice I need. Even if I was ready right now to compete, my time hasn't come.

My piano teacher/friend and I would often talk about how much time she had spent so far to get her book published and into the public. We would talk about the long hours and commitment. I would say to her "It's not time yet...Even if you were handed a million dollar contract for this or that you are still in the learning phase. You have so much more to learn, so that when your time comes, you will be fully prepared to take on the responsibility that would be handed to you."

Tonight I typed in "how many calories should I eat at 110 lbs." I should have done this long ago. It's so easy. Just type in the information (height, weight, age, goal, etc.) and a good site will just give you the information. Since I already know how many calories I eat, now I can figure out how many carbs, protein, and fat I need to be balanced. I figure that if I want to make sure I reach my goal, I ought to get more information to help me, as opposed to just "guessing." The pros don't guess.

I don't want to fall into that abyss and later have to say "I tried"

Then I'll have to start that line of questioning (above) to myself all over again.

Feel free to email me or make comments. Feedback is always welcome.


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